Stepping Back
by superncisfan039
Summary: PARKER SERIES SEASON 2 BOOK 2: Nothing will ever be the same when Christina has to face her past...
1. Chapter 1

Part I: Fight or Flight

Chapter 1:

The young runner stumbled on something, catching herself on a branch. She looked behind her and screamed. The dead body was covered in dark red blood, his eyes still open in horror. He had to be in his fifties. The runner fumbled for her phone and called 9-1-1.

Tony stared at the ceiling. It was strange now to have an empty bed, all alone. He hated not having Ziva around, but he couldn't have her there. She had to realize that what she did hurt him, and hurt him badly. She'd learn, hopefully, that she was going to need to prove that she could be trusted. Tony turned over. Damn, it was already six. His alarm would go off in a few minutes. Bits of sun poked through the curtains. He looked at his phone. He had one voice mail and it was from Ziva.

"Tony, I'm sorry about what happened at lunch. I'd like to talk. Please just call me," Ziva's voice said. Tony couldn't keep doing this. He loved her, but now he also realized he loved Christina. He dialed her number.

"Hey there, Christina, is there any chance we can meet for a quick breakfast before work?" Tony asked when Christina groggily answered the phone. The two were becoming good friends.

"Of course we can, Tony. Can we meet in half an hour or so?" Christina asked.

"How about quarter till?" Tony suggested. Christina agreed, and Tony hung up the phone. What was he doing? She was taken already, and she'd been through enough. Still, she would understand all that was going on. She had a knack for that. It was part of what Tony really, really liked about her. He turned off his alarm and started getting ready.

Christina almost couldn't believe it when Tony called her. The two had become a bit closer over the past few weeks, but she never thought of herself as one to call to talk to. No, Ziva would, but not Tony. Tony would never do that. Something had to be going on. She dragged herself out of bed and got her clothes out. She had gotten a shower the night before after talking with Callen, so she didn't need one now. That would save her some time. Maybe she'd actually do her makeup and not just slap on some mascara and lip stick. She didn't even realize that she was putting on some her best makeup, the stuff that sat on the top shelf in her medicine cabinet.

At 6:30 Christina walked out of the house. She was still half asleep, and realized she would have to get some coffee with breakfast, at least if she was going to survive the day. She stretched as she unlocked her car, throwing her purse and bag in the back. From there she drove off to meet Tony.

Parsons smiled at his handy work. Really he had just been the one to sit there and figure out what had to be done, but he could still take the credit, couldn't he? Oh, Christina and Gibbs would really have something over this! They were never going to get off easily. The day Parsons gave them all a break would be the day he died. That was just how it was going to be. He watched as he saw how things began to unfold.

Tony watched as Christina walked into the café. She seemed half awake. She smiled and waved at Tony and went straight up to the front counter. Tony nibbled on his bagel. Was he really, honest to goodness, doing this? Christina sat down. "So what do you want to talk about?" Christina asked with a smile. She wasn't showing yet, but was about three and a half months pregnant.

"To be honest, I wanted to talk about Ziva," Tony began, taking a sip of his coffee. "I don't know what to think, and everything is just catching up with me now."

"Was it something she said?" Christina asked, leaning back. Tony shook his head.

"No, it was something Rachel said. She said that she couldn't believe I could still trust her," Tony explained. "I can't keep lying, Christina. I love Ziva, you know that, but I don't know if I trust her."

"She did what she had to do," Christina swallowed. The idea of Ari still upset her, Tony knew that. It still upset all of them. He had seen how she was after what happened, a wreck. She had pulled the trigger when she shouldn't have had to. She still had to be a wreck. He'd seen how she would have her head in her hands when everyone's back was turned, the smile that faded.

"Still, Christina, she lied to all of us. Can we just forgive that?" Tony questioned. Christina looked out the window, taking a sip of her drink.

"No, I don't suppose we just can," she said, her voice trailing off.

Callen stood in front of Hetti. She slid her iPad in front of him. Callen looked down at the picture on the screen and swallowed hard. He recognized the man. He knew the man. He hadn't seen him in years, but he knew him. "What's this about?" Callen asked solemnly. Hetti just sighed.

"You'll be on the next flight out. Don't tell your fiancée because she doesn't know. Go on," Hetti explained. Callen just nodded and slowly turned around. "I'm sorry you have to do this," Hetti then added sympathetically.

"Gibbs, when Christina gets here, I want you both in my office," Vance said to Gibbs on the elevator. Something had to be up. Did it deal with Parsons? "By the way, Dr. Cranston said you all had some good talks."

"Yeah, well, we all talked. Outside of that, I don't know what to say," Gibbs said as the elevator doors opened. He walked over to his desk, walking straight past Christina's. He stopped and picked up one of the picture frames on her desk. The smiling faces of Christina and Callen looked out from the page. He took the picture out of the frame, looking at the one behind it. The two were joined by three other people. One was himself, and the woman Jenny Sheppard, the last NCIS director. The third was the final member of their undercover team: Petrov. He was the only one not smiling in the picture. Gibbs returned the pictures and sat down.

Christina and Tony walked into the room, talking over an old movie. She'd grown much since that one picture. She was older, wiser, and more worn. She seemed like something was bothering her, and the same went tenfold for Tony. He was beginning to question what Cranston had brought up. "Christina, Vance wants us," Gibbs said getting up. Christina set down her things and followed after Gibbs, ready for work.

**A/N: So here reviews are vital! I want to know if you can figure out where I'm going with this. Please leave reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2-3

Chapter 2

Christina looked down at the pictures on the table in Vance's office. She had already not been feeling well, possibly because of her unborn child, and this was just the icing on the cake. She placed her hands on the back of a chair. No, it couldn't be. She glanced over the pictures once more. It was. She looked over at her father, searching for some kind of answer. "Tell me this is a joke," Christina almost pleaded with Vance, who just stood sternly gazing at the two.

"DNA and fingerprints both prove that this is Petrov. We think the killer is part of the weapons ring you were involved in. We want you to go back undercover," Vance explained. Christina almost couldn't believe her ears. Was she really being asked to go back undercover? Sure, she could be Davy again, but what about her dad? Jenny was dead, and now Petrov. That left Christina, Gibbs, and Callen.

"What about Callen, will he join us?" Gibbs asked. Sometimes it was like he could read Christina's mind. The door opened behind them.

"I'm already here," Callen remarked as he stepped inside. Christina turned around smiling. Even after all these years she still loved him, but now she was starting to think about more than just her feelings. It was starting to tear on her with Callen only coming over every other weekend. Could she as she was keep doing that to herself? The fairy tales were catching up with the real world, and Christina was about to crash between the two. Cranston had been right. She hated Callen being gone, especially now that she really needed someone there for her.

"It's good to see you made it safely, Agent Callen," Vance greeted in a business-like manner. Callen refused to let his eyes fall on the table. "I'll let you all go fill in the team. Only you three will be going undercover, but you will have contact with Agents McGee and DiNozzo. Abby's already setting up your alibis. There's a lot to add now," Vance explained.

Christina followed after the two main men in her life. Now her head was spinning. Memories flooded in and out of her head, the times they sat in the cabin playing music to pass the time, the laughs she shared in secret with Jenny, and most of all the secret moments between her and Callen. Now she was 31 and he 43. Then they were 18 and 30. Life hadn't been nice since, and it was refusing to let up, especially after some past tests that she was still waiting on.

She hadn't told Callen her concerns that the life inside may already be dying. It was just another thing to carry, alongside the murder she caused. Maybe that was the stress that was causing it all. It was too much. She leaned back against her desk, McGee only just walking in. "Hey, there Callen," McGee said. "Are you here visiting?"

"Actually, McGee, I'm here on work. I'll let your boss explain though," Callen answered, placing a hand instinctively on Christina's back. She played with her engagement ring, something she'd started doing more often after Ari's death just weeks before. Tali was fine, and had already continued living her life, but she had only met her father a handful of times. Christina had shared too much with the man she shot.

"An old friend of ours was found dead the other day. Christina, Callen, and I are going undercover. You two will need to keep things running here," Gibbs explained.

"What about Parsons, should we keep looking for him?" Tony asked. He'd expressed a lot of concern just minutes before over breakfast. Christina understood the pain and stress from being in a mistrustful relationship. Maybe that was why he reached out to her. Still, maybe there was something more.

"No duh, DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped. Parsons had been a thorn in his side for long enough. To be honest, Christina also hated Parsons. His end goal was still unclear, but last night Christina made some headway. She kept her voice though. She didn't need to bring that up now. She wanted to keep silent, to hold it all in and cry later on.

Vance walked down. "DiNozzo, I've just decided I want you with them. McGee, you go help Abby," Vance ordered. Christina was almost happy at the words. She texted Ziva that she would be out of town for a while and asked if she would mind letting Tali stay with her.

"We'll fill you in, Tony," Callen said with a smile. Christina just kept her head down. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't think straight anymore period. Ever since that day in the warehouse, ever since that stupid trigger was pulled, life had gone awry. She'd been distracted, out of it. If she slept she was lucky, but she'd wake up halfway through the night replaying that one moment for the thousandth time. She said she'd hated him, told him she wished she'd never met him. She pulled the trigger. She killed Ari. She killed Tali's father.

"I'm sure you'll fit right in," Christina said forcing a smile. Maybe she'd have to find that Cranston's number. Maybe she needed someone to talk to, someone that wasn't Callen. Suddenly nothing was as simple as it was. She used to be able to talk so easily with Callen, and now it was like they were in different worlds.

"I'm sure you're right," Tony joked back. Christina rolled her eyes and leaned against Callen. He was tense. Was last night's conversation too much for him? Christina realized that it probably did, more so than she thought. How could it not? Christina placed a hand on his back and slightly rubbed with her thumb.

"You'll do fine, DiNozzo, stop worrying," Gibbs retorted. Christina tried to get herself to be a bit happier, to tug back the light she once had. It'd all shattered, all fell apart. Now she didn't know where to turn. She'd never in her life felt so alone. She wondered if she'd fall back to what she was back in middle school and her first year of high school. No, she didn't need to bring that up. That was just working through grief. This, this was something else. Or was it?

"I'll do that Boss," Tony said loyally. He wanted so badly to please Gibbs that Christina knew he'd do anything, even overlook her. Why did that thought cross her mind? She had to be losing it. Was she? That wasn't usually like her.

"We should get to work," Christina said, hiding it all inside. She swallowed it all and smiled, only numbly happy that Callen was there. What changed between them? She couldn't place a name on it. She grabbed the remote and pulled up some pictures. "As I'm sure you two know the three of us were on an undercover mission in Serbia penetrating a weapons trading ring about a year before Tony joined NCIS. This was the other member of our team, Petrov. He was found dead two days ago by the highway.

"Vance wants us and Tony to go undercover again, as the ring we penetrated is in town. We're gonna need to work hard not to blow our cover. Tony, let me and Callen handle most of the talking. Gibbs is our 'bodyguard,'" Christina explained. She pulled up some files and delved deeper into the schematics of the mission that took place so long ago.

Chapter 3:

Ziva sat in her living room, staring down at a recent picture of her and Tony. She'd messed up, big time. Now he wouldn't call her back. He refused to seem to want to talk over it. She debated calling him again. She knew he and Christina were both working today. That's why Ziva had to pick up Tali in an hour. She looked at her phone. Christina was asking if Ziva could watch Tali overnight. Tony would also be busy then. She told Christina that she could and leaned back on the couch.

Why did she ever let Ari live? She didn't have to. She could have used a real bullet. That would have saved Christina a ton of pain. Ziva knew what Ari said in that basement. Was she really as naïve as to think that Ari would have changed? He was a cold heartless monster. Ziva saw that. He was messing up his life. He was in love with Christina, but at the same time about to propose to another in Israel. Didn't he see the beautiful consequence that was about to be born?

Ziva thought back to a song Christina had been crazy over recently. It was right. Some of the most beautiful things come from the darkest, most twisted lies. Ziva buried her head in her hands. Tali shouldn't have had to have met Ari. No, that was causing her more pain, even if she never knew it was there. Ziva began to cry, and didn't know the cause. Was it that she knew she'd already lost Tony? Then it hit her: he was never hers. She made that choice years ago when she decided to pull the stunt she did. She dried her eyes and grabbed her keys. It was time to pick up the one good thing to come out of this.

Christina had once again become Davy Connors, and Callen Alex Stuss. Gibbs was John again. She felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. It was just another reminder that the test results would be sent within the next few days. She already could guess what they would say, and that was going to make working with Callen harder than it should, harder than anything.

Christina stepped out of the bathroom, her hand resting where it hurt. Come on little child, she kept thinking, don't do this. She shivered. Could she handle it if she lost the baby? What would happen? She swallowed. She was going to make it through. She could do it. She saw Callen and smiled. "It's like nothing changed," Callen mused, looking her up and down. Did he see what was wrong? Did he see past the surface? Could he see the screaming inside, the part that couldn't sleep at night? Did he just see what he wanted to see, and disregard the rest?

"So much has though," Christina countered in a day dream voice. "I'm sorry if I upset you at all last night," Christina apologized.

"You don't need to apologize. You have every right to ask something like that. After all that's happened I'd be surprised if you didn't," Callen retorted. Christina had some comfort in his words. She hadn't changed. Callen hadn't really either. It was the situation that was driving them apart. That couldn't be changed without changing the good in their lives, the things they'd worked hard to build. Christina wasn't ready to give that up yet.

"I still feel I need to. I wanted to throw up when I saw that picture," Christina cleverly switched subjects. Neither of them needed to dwell on last night's conversation. That was in the past, and this was now. Her voice almost wavered, almost showed the signs. She took a deep breath. She had to contain herself. She couldn't crumble like this, not now anyways.

"I couldn't believe it. I didn't even know he was here. No one's spoken to him in years," Callen mused again. Christina nodded. She understood. They all lost touch after Serbia. Well, that was almost a lie. Jenny was the one person Christina saw before joining her father's team. She saw Jenny a few times actually. Then Jenny died. It was more death, more pain. Could Christina escape it?

"It seems like no one kept up with anyone," Christina remarked quietly, staring at the floor.

"What about Jenny did she keep up with anyone?" Callen asked. Christina closed her eyes.

"Yeah, she did. She worked with Dad, and she and I saw each other a few times," Christina explained. Now she was just another body in the ground. Just like Shannon was. Just like Kelly, and Eli were. And now, it was just like Ari was.

"I guess that makes her death a bit harder. I didn't even know she was in town," Callen said. No one was supposed to know Jenny was there. No one was ever supposed to know anything. Now Callen knew nothing and Christina couldn't find the words to say.

"I think she was trying to keep it like that," Christina assumed. She crossed her arms with a sigh.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Callen asked caringly. No Callen, I'm not, Christina kept thinking. She was drowning and no one saw and she couldn't say anything.

"I'm fine," Christina lied. "I guess I'm still letting this whole Petrov thing sink in." Callen nodded, believing her. He used to be a lot better at knowing when she was lying. What happened? What changed? Christina couldn't even begin to guess.

"OK, as long as it's just that we're all good," Callen assured as he kissed her forehead. Christina closed her eyes and forced a smile. Inside she felt dark, empty, close to breaking.

"Then we are just fine," Christina echoed. She tried to force some emotion, praying it would work. Another stab of pain was in her abdomen. She hid any sign of it. Callen smiled and the two walked out to meet the others. Tony was dressed in a pair of worn out jeans and a baggy tee shirt with a leather jacket. He seemed almost like a classy bad boy. Christina's heart skipped a beat. He wasn't half bad looking, sitting there on the desk reading the case file. Actually, he was far more than handsome.

"Well, don't you look like something?" Tony remarked with a smile. Callen just shot him a look, and Tony stood. "I'm just saying that she looks younger than she is," Tony explained. He knew how to save himself sometimes, though other times it was like he just couldn't stop.

"Thank you, DiNozzo," Christina said nicely. She held Callen's arm. "Where's McGee?"

"He said he could get a lead on Parsons. He said something about a new tech girl or something like that," Tony explained.

"Do you think you can help, Roxi?" McGee asked the hot blonde sitting in front of the computer. She chewed on a piece of gum and looked back.

"Timmy, is that really a question?" Roxanne asked with a cock of her head. She had sweet hazel eyes and a great personality. She was around McGee's age, but a little bit shorter than he was. It was hard for McGee to comply with her Christian morals when she was so beautiful, but he knew it was worth it.

"I think it was," McGee replied. Roxanne was almost a mix of Abby and Christina, but a bit more calm. That was just how McGee liked it though.

"Sometimes I wonder how well you actually know me," Roxanne laughed turning back to her computer screen. "Of course I can help. He's probably out of state if you can't find him. I'm guessing motel somewhere close but not too close and he pays with cash. I'll see how long it takes me to find him. I'll call you when I have something."

"Can't you just call me just because?" McGee asked playfully.

"I'll see if I have some time," Roxanne said with a smile. McGee slowly kissed her lips and paused before heading back to the team. He also looked back just in time to notice Roxanne slowly raise her fingers up to her lips, smiling and blushing as she gazed at the desk.

Callen and Gibbs had gone for some coffee before they had to go to town. Christina leaned back in her chair and gazed over at Tony. "Something's up with you Christina. You've been quiet. I've told you my issues, now you tell me yours," Tony begged. Christina leaned forward.

"Well I just had to kill the father of my daughter. Tell me what the shorter list is: the one with the issues or the one without?" Christina pushed. Tony just thought.

"Callen doesn't realize how hard it is, does he?" Tony asked. Christina just shook her head.

"Right now you're the only one who seems to," Christina explained. She heard the pain in her voice, the way it faltered. Why couldn't she just let the walls down with Callen anymore? Why couldn't he hear this? Why was it Tony that got that deep with her? It all just didn't make sense anymore. She couldn't see left from right, up from down, forward from back. She couldn't tell if Callen and her were still as good as he seemed to believe. To her, it was falling apart, almost like it was meant to.

"Hey, it's okay Christina. I know what it's like. Killing a man either close to you or close to someone you're close to is not easy. I've been there. Let me help. Let me in," Tony cooed. Christina just met his glance, and then McGee walked in. Christina looked straight down at her desk. "What's with you, McGeek?" Tony asked his tone utterly changed.

"It's none of your business, Tony," McGee remarked as he sat down at his desk with a beaming smile. At least someone on the team was happy. That would help the others, at least Christina hoped. Maybe she did have to let Tony in. She needed someone, and Callen just didn't see. It was like he couldn't and no matter how much Christina wanted to, the wall just wouldn't budge.

"Come on, McGee, what's up with you?" Tony asked again. Christina looked up and laughed. It was all forced though. Everything she did was until she was home all alone.

"I think McGee's friend is more than just a friend, if I still know that smile," Christina chimed. Gibbs and Callen walked back in. Callen sat down on Christina's desk, not even looking back at her.

"This friend better have some good news either way," Gibbs remarked.

"She thinks she can find Parsons. I'd trust her. She knows what she's doing," McGee explained.

"We're leaving in half an hour," Gibbs said. He closed his eyes with a sigh. No one wanted to be here again. They barely got through it all in Serbia, and that was with Jenny and Petrov. Now they were gone. Tony wouldn't fit in completely when it came to trust, not at first.

"Gotcha Boss," Tony confirmed. He loaded his gun and looked down at his vibrating phone. He turned it off and looked back up. Things between him and Ziva were also falling apart. Tony would never be able to fully trust her again. Christina saw that. She respected where he was coming from. She knew where he was coming from, but that man was six feet under across the world where he couldn't spin his lies anymore.

**A/N: I'm trying to put the chapters two in one on here. Should be getting another account for my other not NCIS fan fictions so I'll keep you posted! Please review!**


	3. Chapters 4-5

Part II: Underground

Chapter 4:

Christina sat at the table next to Callen. She played a game on the phone she would be using while undercover, the first snowflakes of winter falling just outside the café window. Callen's hand found hers. "It has been too long since we've seen snow, has it not?" Callen asked in his thick Russian accent. For not being used to using it anymore, he still had the charm and authenticity. Gibbs sat across from the two, Tony standing right behind him. Christina sipped her hot cocoa and just gazed outside.

"I think it's too cold," Christina laughed. She let the rest of the world fade away as she settled into Davy once more. It was a skin that was also hers. It was the brighter side with the darker choices. Consequences were only words on paper. It was just a game. It was a game Christina could play and hide in.

"You always think so, Love," Callen teased. They were both California raised, and Callen now lived in LA. To them, any fall or winter weather was cold.

"That's because I am cold," Christina replied. Three older men walked into the café. Rigio, the leader of the underground weapons ring, was the rounder one. His hair was graying at the ends, but his eyes were as shady as ever. He had with him a bodyguard and an accomplice in his dealings. Christina was familiar with the young accomplice, Michael, but the bodyguard was new. He was quiet, tense, and his eyes searched the room like that of a seasoned soldier. He wasn't American. In fact he looked Russian.

"I believe our comrades have just arrived, my dear," Callen remarked as he turned back to face the table, leaving the snowflakes to fall. Rigio motioned towards their table. He was clean shaven with a grey turtle neck straight up to his chin. He had a well cut jaw and thick eye brows.

"I never thought I'd see you again, Mr. Stuss. Davy, it is good to see you as always," Rigio greeted as he took a seat. The bodyguard glanced at each of them coldly, pausing slowly at Callen who stood and shook Rigio's hand.

"It is always a pleasure, comrade," Callen smiled. Michael just gazed over at Christina. He'd always had a thing for her, one of the reasons why Davy and Alex ever got together.

"Who is this? I thought I would see your two usual comrades," Rigio remarked, regarding Tony.

"Ah, Rigio, this is our new partner, Troy Valor. Our comrades have met their end," Callen solemnly replied.

"I heard of Nicholas' passing, but I did not know of that woman's," Rigio said. Christina's eyes shifted down then back up to the bodyguard.

"It was years ago, Rigio. We didn't even know until we came out of hiding," Christina explained. Rigio nodded slowly.

"I am sorry to hear such things, Davy. She was a woman of great make," Rigio said. "I myself had to replace my bodyguard. This is Nikolai." He gestured over to the new bodyguard, who just nodded once. He seemed worn, almost torn. His eyes bore the signs of a past life in the army, but not American. No, though he had not said a word Christina knew he was Russian. It was in the way he walked, the way he stood, and the way he watched the world. It was in his eyes, cold and a light blue, almost like Callen's. It was in his posture, the way he stood so straight. It was in the way he dressed.

"John, I'm sure you will help this Nikolai," Callen said. Gibbs nodded. Christina wondered if Abby was already running a search on the bodyguard.

"You need to get Nikolai alone," an older female voice said in Christina's ear. She recognized it as Hetti, Callen's boss, a woman she'd only met a few times when she visited LA. Christina guessed she would also be in on this op. Vance was sure to have added her.

"Nikolai will stay with you tonight. I have an appointment to which Nikolai cannot go. Will this be a problem, Stuss?" Rigio asked.

"No, it will not be a problem. Nikolai is welcome in our hotel room if he pleases," Callen agreed. They then ate their meal quietly, catching up on the years that never really happened.

Chapter 5:

Hetti couldn't believe her eyes. To her, the man was only a picture she'd seen once. That was it. Now here he was, supposed to be dead, supposed to be nothing but a distant memory. She looked over at the other computer screens. It was him. Facial ID proved it. Damn, Callen didn't need this. He and Christina had enough to worry about. She'd only seen Christina once, but she knew all that'd gone down in DC. She was surprised that the poor woman was still stable mentally. Then again, she was Gibbs' daughter. "I need to get to DC," Hetti murmured under her breath. She turned around to call Vance.

Parsons knew Rigio was in town. Now it was just a matter of getting that bodyguard alone. Then it would all fall into place. The game would be over and done more easily than he'd thought. All it took was patience. Everything took patience. Parsons took a sip of wine. Winning was going to taste so good. It was already just on his lips, just in his grasp. He just had to make sure no one found out how the pieces fit together.

Roxanne had searched every hotel and motel in the immediate DC area. She had to expand her search. She fingered her cross necklace and sighed. At least she was doing this for Timmy. They'd met at a game con thing a few months back and things just went from there. She'd already read his book and loved it. He was a man of many talents. She turned up her country music and kept searching. Parsons would probably go to Maryland just to keep close enough to keep an eye on things. She just had to figure out where.

Gibbs half listened as Rigio talked endlessly about everything that had conspired over the years. He'd heard what Hetti said and was already piecing it together. He kept thinking. Could this be the link Parsons had? It would make sense with their running theory. Still, could it be true? Could any of it be true? Gibbs didn't know. This war had too many costs and it still wasn't over.

Callen kept glancing over at Nikolai. There was just something about him that seemed so familiar almost like one of those repressed memories psychologists seem to love bringing up. Still, there was no way Callen would know him. At least, there was no way Callen could think of. He let his thoughts wander, thinking of Christina. Was everything as okay as she made it out to be? It was almost too good to be true, but at the same time Christina was used to handling a lot. That was just part of her charm.

To him, Christina would be fine if she just let herself realize that there was nothing she could do about Ari. There just wasn't. She could be stubborn though and that was the path she'd chosen for this. Something was on her mind though. Callen continued to not let himself dwell on it though, because if Christina wasn't going to say then she just wasn't going to say.

Tony just gazed at Christina on and off. As he could care less about what Rigio was talking about, he let his thoughts wander. Ziva probably wanted him to call her. He wanted to wait it out. He had to figure out his own heart and what he was willing to put up with and forgive first. That was certain. Ziva had just crossed the line.

Christina looked so beautiful. She was wearing almost no makeup and looked a lot younger than she was. It was all effortless, mesmerizing, and enchanting. She looked up at him quickly and looked back down. She didn't need this. She didn't need to be here. She should have taken the past two weeks off like she was offered and spent time with Tali. Tali was the one thing that seemed to make Christina really smile now. Tony knew she was faking half of the smiles she smiled. He saw straight through the mask and wished it didn't have to go through this. Someone as wonderful as her didn't deserve this.

**A/N: So I want to know about yours thoughts on how I'm doing for this. I really had fun writing this. It's something that got "planted in my brain," (sorry had to quote Simon & Garfunkel) and I kind of just went with it. Your feedback also has a major influence and that's why I'm really working on the building of the characters after what's happened. I do listen so PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Chapters 6-7

Chapter 6:

Christina walked out of the café. She felt like a hypocrite as she acted like the past few years had been nice. She had to act like they were an adventure, running from the world with the man she loved most. She couldn't easily tell Callen she loved him let alone act like she could. So much death seemed to be closing in around her that it seemed like there was no possible way she could ever see the light she was pretending to see.

It all seemed to be pretending now. She had to pretend to be strong at work and for Tali. She had to pretend that the life inside was still going with Callen. She had to act like nothing was going to break her with her father. Did he even see the scars? With Ziva she had to pretend she could handle Tali.

Christina looked over at Tony. He was the only person she couldn't fool. He just knew. The games ended with him. He understood and he seemed to truly care. Christina did need to let him in, but she just had to figure out how to do it. He walked with his hands in his pockets, looking out at the world with a sharp eye. Callen grabbed Christina's hand and Christina brought her gaze back to him. She forced herself to smile, to act happy. She just had to keep pretending.

Hetti had run straight to the airport and caught a plane that was just about to leave for DC. She hoped to get to there before Callen figured it all out. It was all about to go to the surface, and that was what scared Hetti the most. He had to find out by Hetti. It just had to happen that way. She sighed as she stared out at the clouds.

McGee searched through the files they had on Nikolai. He gazed down at his phone. Great, Roxanne still had nothing. He knew she was trying her hardest. He looked back at the files. No, it couldn't be. It all started falling into focus. The death of Petrov wasn't just some accident. The fact that it thrust Callen, Christina, and Gibbs back undercover was the purpose of Petrov's murder. It all revolved around one single point. Christina had been right. It all was linked together.

McGee stormed straight into MTAC. "Director, I know who had Petrov killed and I know why," McGee announced to Director Vance. Vance turned around from the screen filled with four different camera views on the undercover mission.

"What do you mean?" Vance asked. McGee showed Vance the file as he explained the theory Christina had come up with on Parsons.

"I already have one of our new tech recruits trying to find Parsons," McGee ended. Vance just slowly nodded.

Parsons sat across his informant. "Lange is already on a plane, sir. They're going to know," the informant said. Parsons just nodded.

"That's good. It'll make for a good, bittersweet ending," Parsons remarked.

"Sir, I'm afraid NCIS may have already figured out then who the bodyguard is. If that's the case, they've probably already made the connections," the informant warned. That thought scared Parsons. For years he'd set up this elaborate game. Now he had the final piece in his grasp, the one man to change the game, and still NCIS posed a threat.

"Let them find me if they do. I'd like to see them try and ruin this," Parsons said through gritted teeth.

Christina sat down on the edge of the bed. Callen, Gibbs, Rigio, and Nikolai were finishing some things down the hall, leaving Tony and Christina alone. "How do you just know how it is for me?" Christina asked. Tony sat down on the chair across from her and sighed.

"I once killed a man who was close to Ziva. It should have been me who died that night but it wasn't," Tony explained. To Christina, it seemed like it still hurt Tony. Everything with Ziva seemed to hurt him.

"If she hurts you that bad, you need to let her go," Christina advised. Tony looked away and nodded.

"You're right. I thought it would work. I thought I loved her. Now, now I just don't know. Cranston really brought some things out that I just hadn't thought about before. I just can't decide if it's better than what I have," Tony explained, seeming to want to avoid whatever this other thing was. Christina let it be and a few minutes later Nikolai and Callen walked in. Callen dismissed Tony and the one thing Hetti asked came to pass.

Part III: The Falling

Chapter 7:

Tony walked back to the other hotel room with Gibbs. Their room wasn't bugged so they decided to give Abby a call. "Christina was right," the Goth said excitedly before either Tony or Gibbs could get a word in. "Her theory on Parsons was right."

"What do you mean Abbs?" Gibbs asked. McGee showed up and held up a file. Tony read through it. His heart dropped. Everything was about to change. "I thought so," Gibbs whispered.

"Where's everyone else?" McGee asked.

"They're with Nikolai," Tony sighed. He felt an urge to protect Christina from finding out she was right. It would just make things worse. He could see the pain and stress for her with everything. He wanted to hold her, love her, and make it all better for her.

Christina wished Tony hadn't left. She wanted to tell him the truth, to let him know what was going with her. Then in one moment she thought the words she should have told him when he was there and they were alone. In one moment she felt something she hadn't fully felt in years and it paralyzed her. It caught her by surprise and held her there.

She loved the way he smiled, the way he laughed as he thought of a movie. She loved the way he played with Tali and made Tali smile so brightly it warmed Christina's heart. She loved the way his eyes glistened in the lights. She loved how he made her feel loved and broke down the walls without even trying. In one moment she realized what she'd fought all along, what made her so happy she saw Callen that op a few months ago. In one moment, she realized she loved Tony DiNozzo.

"Who are you two really?" Nikolai asked. Callen was taken by surprise. How did the bodyguard know? No one had ever figured it out yet here Nikolai was calling it out.

"Are you who you say you are?" Callen asked in return.

"Not exactly," Nikolai answered. "Now, who are you two?" The sun was setting outside. Callen took a breath to answer, but the door burst open and in walked Hetti.

"You don't even recognize him, Nikolai. I'm ashamed," Hetti sighed. Nikolai looked up and laughed.

"Henrietta, I never thought I would see you again," Nikolai laughed. Callen was confused. Looking over at Christina, he realized she was confused as well.

"You only met me once, though. Now, you two introduce yourselves," Hetti instructed.

"My name is Special Agent Christina Parker," Christina said sharply. She seemed tense, almost uncomfortable.

"I'm Special Agent Callen," Callen said. Nikolai froze.

"What is your first name?" Nikolai swallowed.

"I don't know it. I only know it starts with G," Callen said. Nikolai closed his eyes.

"Hetti, why didn't you tell me?" Nikolai asked.

"What's going on? Who are you?" Callen asked. Nikolai just stared blankly at Callen.

"Callen, I think it's time you know," Hetti answered. "This is your father."

**A/N: This was take... twenty something with this idea. It took me forever to get it just how I wanted. So, review with your reactions to Christina and Tony as well as Nikolai. By the way, I wrote this after the episode of NCIS: LA where we get Nikolai's name, so that was a huge help in forming this. Assume that that episode still took place with this. Please REVIEW! It's right there. Just type. It doesn't take long. PLEASE!**


	5. Chapters 8-9

Chapter 8:

"What? It can't be!" Callen remarked. Christina just watched as shock filled his face. She thought to her theory. She'd been right. Parsons wanted this. Callen stood.

"Callen," Hetti said calmly, "You need to keep calm." Callen just stared straight at Nikolai.

"I need a moment," he said softly, turning to the bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind him, causing Christina to swirl around in her seat. Nikolai stood to go after him but Christina stopped him.

"Please, Nikolai just let him be for a moment," Christina pleaded. He nodded slowly and turned to Hetti.

"You should have told me," Nikolai repeated.

"I didn't even know you were alive. Claire never said if you were or weren't," Hetti explained. Christina let it all sink in.

"Do you know a Parsons?" Christina asked. Nikolai looked over at her.

"I have been warned to avoid the man with that name," Nikolai replied. It was all making sense.

"That's a wise choice. I don't know why, but he seems bent on finding you," Christina said.

"I know why he would want me. It is none of your business however. It is not meant to be known," Nikolai told her. Christina nodded slowly. There was a knock on the door and Gibbs walked in.

"Where's Callen?" Gibbs asked. Christina just pointed to the bathroom. "Let me talk to him," Gibbs said as he followed Christina's finger.

Gibbs slowly opened the bathroom door. Callen stood in front of the mirror with his fists resting on the sink. Gibbs placed a hand on his shoulder. "No one knew he was alive, Callen," Gibbs assured.

"Still, I didn't even know his name. He never even tried to find me or my sister," Callen spat.

"You told me someone was leaving flowers on your sister's grave. It probably wasn't him, but he probably had someone do it for him," Gibbs reminded him. Callen looked up.

"What good does that do me?" Callen asked. His voice was sharp and his tone like a knife. His head dropped forward with a sigh.

"Hey, this is closure. This is what you've wanted all these years," Gibbs reminded him. Callen looked back up shaking his head.

"Jethro, I wasn't expecting this, not now. I wasn't thinking I'd see him while undercover with Christina!" Callen said. Gibbs sighed.

"Well, sometimes we get things when we don't really want 'em," Gibbs explained. "Now take your breather and get back out there. We got work to do." Gibbs turned around and left Callen alone.

Tony sat down on the bed with the laptop in his lap. He looked over at his phone, his own not the one he was using undercover, and noticed the missed calls. He went and listened to the one voice message left. "Tony, I know you are busy, but we- we need to talk. I know things are not well with us. Just, when you can, please just call," Ziva's voice, sad, broken, and lonely said in the message. Tony turned off his phone and sighed. He couldn't handle this now. He needed more time, time to think.

Christina was also stuck on his mind. She understood him, really understood. She listened and paid complete attention to what he said. Tony felt like he could open up to her and it was easy. Tony felt safe talking to her and the things he felt were almost indescribable. He loved Ziva, yes, but with Christina it was unlike anything he knew, anything he felt. He stared down at the computer in his lap and the pieces started to fall together.

Roxanne was close. She could feel it. She knew it was just there, just in her grasp. She wasn't going to rest until she found it. She couldn't just leave things be no she wanted to see it to the end. She was going to see it to the end. Her determination was part of why she was where she was. That wasn't going to fail now. Parsons was hers, and that was what mattered. He was going to be found, and Roxanne was the one who was going to find him.

Ziva watched as Tali played with some of her toys. It brought a bit of a smile to her face. It was like she was younger playing with her sister, Tali's namesake. "Tali," Ziva said softly, "Tell me, how are things at home?" she rubbed the child's back. Tali turned and looked up with her big brown eyes, her father's eyes.

"Well, Mommy doesn't talk as much anymore," Tali answered. Ziva nodded.

"How are you?" Ziva asked. Tali crawled up into her aunt's lap and smiled.

"I'm great, Auntie Ziva!" the child smiled. It was like nothing was going to harm her. "Mommy's even teaching me how to play the piano." It was like her father no longer existed, never existed. She no longer looked at the pictures. In fact, they were up in some closet according the poor child.

"That's good! How are the nightmares?" Ziva asked, kissing Tali's head. Tali frowned and looked down.

"They aren't as bad," Tali said slowly. Ziva knew that ever since Tali was kidnapped the poor thing had had nightmares. In fact, Christina had started losing sleep because Tali would wake up screaming. It wasn't long after that that Christina had found a therapist. Ziva kept hoping it worked. So far things seemed to be slowly getting better. Ziva wished she could say the same for herself.

Chapter 9:

Christina almost felt like she was in a movie and what was going on wasn't real. She wanted to scream, to hide, and forget it all. She wanted to think and feel what she was starting to feel. She stared at Nikolai. What was going on? She almost couldn't believe it. She'd been right. She almost didn't want to be. It was another tear in the fabric of the fantasy that'd been built up. She started to see the reality behind it all and it tore her apart. She looked up and realized what was going on with herself.

It wasn't Callen she loved. It wasn't the pain of just the last few months that was tearing her apart. It was that she refused to see what she really felt. She had the clues, but she just never pieced it together. She was falling apart because she didn't want to give up the past. She felt the sharp pain in her abdomen again. She knew suddenly that she didn't need to wait any longer for the lab report. She knew. She could feel the life leaving her from inside.

Christina looked up to see Callen walking out. No one smiled or said a word. Gibbs just leaned back against the wall and acted like he wasn't there. Hetti just looked at Callen, same as Nikolai. Christina didn't know what to do. She just couldn't face it anymore. Then Callen's phone rang. "Hello?" Callen asked already dropping back into an accent. "I see. That can be possible," he said and hung up the phone with a deep sigh.

"What's going on?" Christina asked. Callen just looked down at her.

"Rigio wants to see us. He says a client wanted to meet us," Callen said almost in a day dreaming tone. It wasn't real to him. He was living in a surreal world. At least he knew finally how Christina felt.

"What do you think, Dad? Do you think it's a trap?" Christina asked. Gibbs nodded slowly.

"Hell yeah, Parsons wants to play," Gibbs said quietly.

Parsons had sent his man to do the work. The Gibbs family would be dead, along with the son and DiNozzo before the day was through. Parsons smiled. This was what he wanted. Finally victory was in his grasp. He just hoped they wouldn't piece it all together. No, that would ruin it. He couldn't let that happen. He also couldn't be there. Any movement meant risking being caught. That couldn't happen. He felt safe and just hoped it would last.

McGee grabbed his gun and badge with a sigh. Parsons wasn't going to win this. Nikolai would have to be hidden and the team saved. There was no if, ands, or buts about it. The game was about to crumble and that was what mattered. That was what needed to happen if they were to survive this. McGee frowned. Parsons was smart enough to realize that he couldn't be the one there. That much was understood. McGee suddenly hoped that Roxanne would find Parsons before it was too late.

Tony sat in the front seat next to Gibbs. Nikolai, Callen, and Christina were in the back. No one spoke or looked at each other. Callen stared at the window refusing to acknowledge that anyone else was in the car. That was fine with Tony. He kept looking back at Christina through the rearview mirror. She looked up once and caught his eye. Her eyes, a bright a vibrant blue line only by thick dark eyelashes, said volumes of words that she refused to say. Tony just had to figure out what they were trying to tell him. He felt lost there in her eyes, like the quiet was a barrier between them and the world. Did she feel the same way? Did she know how he felt?

They pulled up to the empty parking lot. Rigio stood next to another man with a thick mustache. He looked across the street and saw McGee's car. He hoped the play would work as it was supposed to. If it didn't the game would be ruined and that was the end. His life was on a line and Tony just hoped he wouldn't fall. The sun set in the background, lined with the darkening sky swallowing the brightness. Clouds moved in, though the early snow had long stopped. A thin layer of white mixed in with the grey pavement all across the ground. Tony felt like he was a hero in a movie, though the ending was still unknown.

**A/N: Please favorite, review, and prepare for the BIGGEST thing that will shatter and change EVERYTHING in the next two chapters. NOTHING will be the same. Review with your thoughts and guesses.**


	6. Chapters 10-11

Chapter 10:

Gibbs stepped out of the car first. He glanced across to the two men. As Callen stepped out as well, the stranger's hand went to his side. He had a gun. "Stay back," Gibbs whispered as he slowly walked forward. He'd seen the layout. It was going to work. It could work. It had to. Gibbs' hand felt slowly for his gun. Tony walked up behind him.

"Stop there, Jethro," Rigio called. Bewildered, Gibbs just looked at him.

"Who told you my real name, Parsons?" Gibbs called. Rigio laughed.

"You know more than you should, comrade," Rigio said in return. Gibbs watched as the stranger pulled his gun up. Then in a split second the bullet sounded and the stranger fell back against the car. Rigio pulled his own gun, but McGee and Tony were too quick and had him on the ground. Gibbs ran forward, checked the stranger's pulse. He'd be okay, but his shoulder was shattered. Gibbs got out his hand cuffs and arrested him. Christina, Callen, and Nikolai ran forward.

"How long had you had that planned, Gibbs?" Nikolai asked. Gibbs turned his head to him.

"Oh, we had it planned since we knew who you were," Gibbs answered. Christina just looked at Tony. She seemed lost in thought, almost as shocked as when she shot Ari. Gibbs couldn't erase the moment when he'd found her there, the gun in her hand. Two lives were lost that day, and Gibbs hoped the third would hold strong. She glanced at the stranger and over at Callen. It was over, for now.

Christina pulled her jacket, her own jacket, tighter across herself. She hadn't said a word yet. Callen looked at her, his bag slung over his shoulder. "I wish you didn't have to go so soon," Christina said quietly. She didn't fully mean the words. In fact, they were foreign to her. Callen rubbed her arm.

"I wish I didn't have to, but Hetti wants to get Nikolai to California. Call me later on when you get home," Callen said. Christina just slowly nodded, her body tired and numb. Callen kissed her forehead and walked towards the elevators. Gibbs was at the hospital watching the stranger. She knew that tomorrow or the next day she'd be back here listening to the interview they'd have with him. Tony was packing up his things.

"Hey, don't look too upset," Tony said. "You have friends. You can always call us, call me. You know I'm here for you." Christina looked up and nodded.

"Yeah, I know. You and Ziva both are. Have you talked to her?" Christina asked. Tony shook his head.

"No, I can't yet. I've got a lot to think through, Christina. I can't go through that just yet. I'll call her when I'm ready," Tony explained.

"Tell me when you talk to her," Christina said. "I'll see you tomorrow, Tony." Then she walked out to go home.

Ziva watched as she leaned against the doorframe as Tali slept. They'd had a long day, but at least Christina said that Tali could come home in the morning. Tali needed the day with her mother. Christina still hadn't said a word about whatever case they were working on, and Ziva knew better than to push. She sighed and turned towards her bedroom. Tony still hadn't called. Ziva was beginning to worry. She knew that something was wrong with how things were, but she just didn't know enough to see what it was.

Chapter 11:

Christina came home to the empty house. She checked her mailbox with dread as she picked up the manila envelope. She threw her purse on the table in the kitchen and walked straight up to her room. She slowly with shaking finger opened up the envelope and pulled at the papers. Her heart almost stopped. She sat down on the bed.

Christina stared blankly at the papers, suddenly feeling nothing. She slipped to the ground, leaning back against the bed frame. She played with her ring one last time. She slipped it off her finger, her body trembling. She didn't even care, and that was what hurt more. She placed the ring on the night stand, grabbing her phone. It was Callen's number she should have been dialing, but she didn't. She didn't even think of him. Instead she dialed Tony's number.

"Can you stop by, and bring something hard to drink?" Christina said breathlessly as Tony picked up. "I really need someone right now."

"I can be there in five minutes. What's wrong?" Tony asked in return. Christina sighed.

"It turns out that only one life would have been lost had Ari shot me. The other's been dead for a week and a half," Christina cried.

"Have you told Callen?"

"How can I? How can I tell someone on the phone that their child will never see a single day?" Christina asked.

"You need to tell him. Call him after you hang up on me," Tony instructed. Christina hung up the phone and took a picture of the ring and the paper. She sent it to Callen and waited in the kitchen for Tony. The doorbell rang and Christina slowly opened it. Tony stepped inside, the chilly air sending chills down Christina's already cold core. She needed some warmth.

Tony slipped his arms around Christina. She closed her eyes. Then it happened all too quickly. She rested her hand against his chest and he leaned in, pressing his lips against hers. Her fingers found the buttons on their own, undoing the past few months of her life. The bag Tony was carrying met the floor as they backed up to the stairs. "We are so going to regret this," Tony whispered. Soon her legs were around his waist, and nothing mattered anymore, not even her phone vibrating up on the nightstand sitting next to the test results and the ring. She ignored when her mind fell back to Callen, fighting what she really seemed to need. She let Tony hold her, drag her out of the water she'd been drowning in. It was like she had been suffocating and he was the air that could save her.

Tony had never felt as alive as did, but nor had he felt so guilty. Her lips were like satin, threaded with tears, better than they looked. Still, this woman was not just another woman. No, this was his boss's daughter. This is was more than just breaking the rules. He'd be dead if Gibbs ever found out. He fought his thoughts. She was so beautiful, so gentle and kind. Callen would kill him. That didn't matter. In this moment, not even Ziva could change his mind.

**A/N: Yep. Just did that. Worked for hours on this. So review with your thoughts. I told you everything was about to change.**


End file.
